Gus Muldoon's Infamous Seldomly-Updated Blog

The words "etiquette" and "all-you-can-eat buffet" are seldom used in the same sentence (much like the words "West Virginia" and "high school diploma"), and anyone who frequents these dining establishments knows that during busy times, walking up to a buffet is like stepping onto a roller derby rink. Elbows and expletives fly, and any semblance of class and etiquette is tossed into the dumpster like so many day-old eggrolls. Practicing good etiquette at all-you-can-eat buffets is necessary if you want to differentiate yourself from the maddening throngs of wildebeests heaping an entire week's worth of calories onto a single plate. Following these tips will certainly help. 1. Always use a clean plate for each trip you make to the buffet. After you have cleared your plate, set it aside and someone will come along shortly to take it away. Yes, they really will. 2. Always escort your children to the buffet. We all love children (especially pe

"I want my guns!" "And I want to live to see my seventh birthday, douchebag." "We need our guns to defend our precious property! Sorry, kid." "We wouldn't have this problem if we allowed Jesus in the classroom." "We're on it!" "Oy vey! Maybe I should just destroy the world and start over." "Told you so!"

I've never been one to support government interference in our lives, but after today's school shooting in Connecticut, just days after a mall shooting in Oregon which left two people dead, I've come to the conclusion that America needs a nationwide ban on guns.  And I don't mean just assault rifles, I mean every gun. Period. I believe that society, as a whole, has demonstrated time and time again that we are simply too stupid to be granted the right of gun ownership.  And I'm not talking about gun violence perpetrated by those using illegal guns, but mass shootings which came about as the result of some disturbed individual using firearms that were legally purchased.  While this may ruffle the feathers of you NRA-loving right-wingers, the bottom line is that we cannot as a society bear the loss of more innocent lives just because some hillbilly couldn't figure out how to lock up his gun collection.  That's right, folks- while the Constitution may grant y