Gus Muldoon's Infamous Seldomly-Updated Blog

                                                I can see my house from up here!  Oh, wait, it's just a moose. As far as I know, Canada's greatest contribution to the world has been....well, I'm still trying to figure that one out.  They gave the world Mike Myers, the so-called comedic actor who's 2008 film Love Guru was about as watchable as an autopsy of a bloated corpse.  Come to think of it, other than maple syrup, I can't think of a blasted thing Canada has ever done for mankind.  But I guess you can't really expect much from a country where moose outnumber humans.  They have a leaf on their flag, for crying out loud.  And there's a picture of the Queen of England on their money.  What's that all about?      ...

After pouring myself a bowl of Lucky Charms the other day, I made a most disturbing discovery.  Staring into my bowl, I couldn't help but notice that the cereal bits are ambiguously shaped like Christian symbols.  If you don't believe me, pour a bowl for yourself.  Intermingled with the colorful marshmallow bits you'll find cereal pieces shaped like crosses , church bells , and... Jesus fish ! Yes, folks, it appears as though the Christians have devised a nefarious plot to spread their magically delicious message of love and forgiveness by way of sneaky subliminal advertising.  And what an ingenious plan it is!  You see, it would've been entirely too obvious to make Christian symbols out of the brightly-colored marshmallows, but no one ever pays attention to the pieces of cereal that look like dry cat food. And that's how subliminal messages work.  Without subliminal advertising, the religious right's marketing campaign targeting children may have looked...

Why is old Gus writing about football for two weeks in a row?  Because it's my blog and I can write about whatever the hell I want, that's why.  So if you're one of those fancy-pants soccer lovers who hates to listen to Americans talk about football, take a few tampons out of your purse and plug your ears.  Or in this case, pull your sun-dress over your head so you don't have to read this week's rant. Now that all of the girlymen have left the room, let's talk about football. As you regular Muldooniacs may know, if there's one thing that really jabbers my wocky, it's overly-sensitive politically-correct folks who cry whenever someone runs over a squirrel with an SUV.  These are probably the same folks raising Cain this week over the statements made by Shahid Khan, the new owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars who looks a lot like Ron Jeremy (see pic below). In a recent interview, when asked what it takes to be a real Jaguars fan, Khan said: "...

For God so loved the world that in Denver's playoff win over Pittsburgh, He made Tim Tebow rack up 316 passing yards. A truly miraculous stat, since Tebow has become the official poster child for religious kooks. Tebow's cult-like following has given rise to a whole new cottage industry: analyzing the offensive stats of mediocre quarterbacks. Forget about trying to crack the Bible Code (that's so 2011). The truly enlightened know where to go for prophetic revelations of Biblical proportions, and that place is the sports page. Now, for all of you godless liberal heathens who think the only thing the pages of the Bible are good for is rolling a big fat doobie, let me explain the hubbub about 3:16. It's the famous passage from the book of John which states, "For God so loved the world that he gave us football of Sundays," or something to that extent. That's why you commonly see a John 3:16 sign being held up in the stadium bleachers by a half-naked ...

So it appears that the mystery actress who sued Amazon.com for leaking her true age on IMDb last fall has finally been identified as Junie Hoang. You may recall that the story created quite a stir last year, with the 40-year old Saigon-born actress claiming that Amazon caused her career to dry up faster than the mammary glands of middle-aged wet nurse. The lawsuit kicked up plenty of dust, as millions of people with nothing better to do with their lives speculated as to who this washed-up Hollywood hag may be, and now we all know. The answer is Junie Hoang, a hack actress (hacktress?) best known for...well, being the washed-up wrinklesome wretch who sued Amazon.com. Ms. Hoang's film credits include such blockbusters as "Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver" and "Hoodrats 2: Hoodrat Warriors" (in which she played an Asian driver who cuts across three expressway lanes without using her turn signal). She also had a bit part in the TV series "I Did...