Gus Muldoon's Infamous Seldomly-Updated Blog

Sweet Jiminy Crickets!  What ever happened to truth in advertising?  I'm talking about holiday commercials.  Specifically, commercials made by luxury car manufacturers.  You know the type.  A clean-cut 30-something man in a sweater leads his trophy wife outside to the driveway with a hand over her eyes, and when he removes his hand there's a shiny new Lexus or Volvo sitting in the driveway with a big red bow on top. Now, I've been living on this God-forsaken mudball called Earth for over sixty years and that means I've celebrated over sixty Christmases, but never once have I ever given or received a luxury automobile for the holidays. If there's one thing that really wangs my chung, it's television commercials that are totally unbelievable.  Take the commercial for the Snuggie, for instance, which shows a roomful of grown men enjoying a football game while wearing a hooded fleece blanket contraption that's as stylish as my sister-in-law's leopard-pr...

Recently I had the pleasure of attending a redneck wedding. Now, I've always been a traditional kind of guy who believes that weddings should be held inside of a church, as the Good Lord intended, and not in the middle of a cow pasture. Nonetheless, I attended the ceremony, in which everyone involved chose to wear camouflage. Everything was going fine until I met the best man, who happened to be Asian. It must have brought back some long-suppressed memories of my time in Vietnam, because I freaked out and chased him through the cow pasture with a shish kebab skewer, which I planned in jamming under his fingernails. Revenge is a dish best served cold, after all. Which brings me to the point of today's Gus Muldoon sermon. Is a redneck wedding appropriate? The answer isn't no. It's hell no. And here's why, dip-wad. Back when decent God-fearing folks got married in a church, the divorce rate was low. Nowadays people are making a mockery out of marriage by getting...