Gus Muldoon's Infamous Seldomly-Updated Blog

June has been like a vine ripe with idiots, and stupidity was so rampant this month that I had to devote not one, but two columns to the topic.  Last week I profiled five mental midgets who should've been wiped out by natural selection long ago, and this week I'll shine the spotlight on five more.  So without further ado, I give you Gus Muldoon's Month in Stupidity, Volume 2. 1. Oliver Stone is a limp-wristed lily-livered sack of squirrel scrotums This week, filmmaker Oliver Stone appeared on CBS This Morning in order to promote his new film, and in the process confessed that he was a doobie-smoking Commie.  While extolling the virtues of being a pot-head, Stone reminisced about his days fighting in Vietnam, stating:  “[Using marijuana] made the difference between staying human or, as Michael Douglas said, becoming a beast. I’m telling you, it’s rough and a lot of people in that platoon used it, not on the front line but in the back, to stay in touch with themse...

Many readers (all three of them) ask me how I come up with article ideas.  Most of the time, my ranting is the result of reading news headlines.  Unfortunately, stupidity is often so rampant in the world that it's difficult to choose a single story.  Therefore, I give you Gus Muldoon's "Month In Stupidity", so that I may give as many boneheads as possible the public shaming they so righteously deserve.  Let's take a look at this month's mental midgets. 1.  Mark Wolford Shows Us Why West Virginia Has Only Produced One Nobel Prize Winner In The Past 127 Years  June began with the funeral of Mark Wolford, a serpent-handling preacher from West Virginia who proved Darwin's theory of natural selection after he died as a result of a rattlesnake bite in late May.  Like many Pentecostal wackos residing in America's Armpit (or Appalachia, if you prefer), Wolford believed that he would be immune from harm, thanks to a Gospel passage which claims: "In...

Don't be hatin', bro! Women do not need to be told that men are fond of doing irritating things, but there are some male behaviors which are so pathetically lame that even many fellow men find them to be annoyingly asinine.  One such behavior is the excessive use of bro cabulary. Fellas, it's time to put the Bro Code to rest.  Yes, we are all aware of your desperate need to hide your homoerotic feelings behind frat-friendly man-lingo (or bro nacular, if you prefer), but much like Ted Danson's hairpiece, you're not fooling anyone. For the uninitiated, let's explore the bro phenomenon.  What is a bro, anyway?  A bro is more than just a buddy or pal.  A bro is someone who will give you the shirt the right off his back...you know, the shirt that says "Free Breathalyzer Test" with an arrow pointing to the groin.  A bro is life-long friend who would give you a shoulder to cry on, but since bros don't cry, that's a moot point.  A bro will be the...

According to the Chinese horoscope, 2012 is the Year of the Dragon.  But if there was an American horoscope, 2012 just might be known as the Year of the Mammary Gland.  Breastfeeding has been in the news quite a bit this year.  Who can forget Time Magazine's controversial (and disgusting) magazine cover from May which showed a mommy letting her nearly four-year-old son suck on her boob?  And now we've got this story in the news about two National Guardswomen who posed for a breastfeeding picture that was intended to promote August's World Breastfeeding Week.  The last time I saw so many breasts on public display, I was sitting by the stage at Big Al's Jiggly Room.  Which brings me to the point of this article, which is that there is a time and a place for women whipping out their breasts and making a public spectacle of themselves.  In a strip club, this is perfectly normal and acceptable behavior.  On the bus or on a park bench?  Not so ...