Gus Goes Postal on the Postal Service

I just read an interesting article about how the United States Postal Service finally delivered a letter that was mailed in 1953.  While a bunch of feelgood nincompoops commented about how sweet the story was, not a single person felt compelled to rip the USPS a new one for taking 60 years to deliver a letter.  So that's what I'm going to do here today.

I believe that the United States Postal Service has outlived its usefulness.

Folks, we need the Postal Service about as much as we need another hole in the head- especially in these tough economic times.  While Democrats and Republicans continue to butt heads over ways to trim fat from the budget, I can see an easy way to save America over 70 billion dollars a year- simply disband the whole dang USPS.

Let's face it, the USPS is about as useful as a Bible in a whorehouse, and about as profitable as a porno film starring Betty White.  Consider that the average salary for a letter carrier is over 50 grand a year, and you can see why the USPS loses money faster than a blonde at a three-card monte table.  Fifty grand!  That's a hell of a lot of money to pay a person who is essentially nothing more than a glorified paperboy in ugly shorts.

In order to appreciate the stupidity of the Postal Service, all one has to do is look at the price of stamps.  When I was a kid, a stamp cost three cents.  Today, the price of a stamp is 46 cents.  The USPS justifies outrageous raises in postal rates by claiming that they are losing customers because of email and text messaging.  I say bullcrap.  The Postal Service loses customers because only a moron with the IQ of a fruit fly would pay almost half a dollar to send a piece of paper on a ride in a funny-shaped truck.

You see, when a business wants to attract customers, they lower prices, not raise them.  Can you imagine a used car salesman employing the same tactics as the USPS?  "Gee, I can't seem to sell this 1986 Chevy Cavalier.  Maybe I should raise the price to 50,000 dollars.  That should do the trick!"

The bottom line is this, my fellow Americans.  If you give a rat's fart in the wind about saving America from economic collapse, pick up your telephone, call up the USPS, and tell them to go to hell- and to take their expensive stamps, ugly shorts, and funny-shaped trucks with them!