Skip to main content

Whatever happened to good old male and female?



I've seen many ridiculous things in my day, but the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen was a recent article about how the popular dating website OkCupid has expanded its gender options, in an effort to appease those lamebrains who feel the need to lavish themselves with a self-aggrandizing, yet meritless, label. Yes, folks, gone are the days of being male or female or straight or gay, because now, according to OkCupid, you now have the option of being asexual, demisexual, heteroflexible, homoflexible, pansexual, genderqueer, agender, intersex, transgender, pangender, transmasculine, transfeminine and two spirit (whatever the hell that is).

Give me a break! As everyone knows, there are only two possible genders- male and female. This is science. We're talking basic biology here. But of course, in today's society, we have to cater to the whims of the overly-sensitive liberal chucklehead nincompoops who would be "offended" to discover that they only had two options to choose from.

Now, I'm familiar with the argument made by these morons. "Well, I may have been born with a penis, but I've always felt that I should've been born with a cooter instead, and thus I really don't identify with being labeled as male". Oh really? Well I believe that I was born to be a ballerina, but that really doesn't make me one, now does it? I can put on a leotard and prance around to Tchaikovsky all I like, and it still doesn't change the fact that I am not a ballerina.

"Well I may have been born with a penis, but I've always felt that I should've been born with a cooter instead, but at the same time,  I'm only sexually attracted to Germans with handlebar mustaches", you may say. In that case, you're still a male. You're just a male with vagina envy who happens to have a rather odd fetish. Sorry, pal, you still don't deserve your own category. What you deserve is a restraining order that keeps you 500 feet away from rational human beings such as myself and 99% of the rest of the world.

One can easily see where this madness may lead. Perhaps in a few years, all public schools will be required to have 27 different restrooms, because heaven forbid that some demisexual pangendered kiddo should pee standing (or sitting, or however demisexual pangenders pee) next to a transfeminine "two spirit" (whatever the hell that is).

Even the very movement that brought us this steaming crock of liberal foolishness will be impacted by the never-ending invention of new genders and sexual orientations. The LGB community evolved into the LGBT community, which is now the LGBTQ community. But now that these kooks invented nonsensical labels for themselves like asexual, demisexual, heteroflexible, homoflexible, pansexual, genderqueer, agender, intersex, transgender, pangender, transmasculine, transfeminine and two spirit (whatever the hell that is), it's just a matter of time before these idiots will have to refer to themselves as the LGBTQADHHPGQAIPTMTF2S community. Good luck with that.

Listen folks, the point is that you can't go around inventing new titles and labels for yourselves whenever you feel like it. If that was the case, I would demand that all of you brainless slumgullions refer to me as "Grand Exalted Poobah of the Known Universe". The fact is, you are what you are, and what you are is either male or female.

The libtards at OkCupid who devised this absurd menu of gender options have done so because they believe this change will help prevent violence against transgender people. Statistics show that LGBTQ individuals experience violence, harassment and bullying at a higher rate than the rest of us. Unfortunately, I believe these superfluous labels will have the opposite effect. I don't even know any LGBTQ people, but already I want to punch one in the face. Why? Because few things are as annoying as whiny chuckleheads who are hellbent on making the rest of us abide by their absurdist agenda.

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to Deal With Having an Ugly Baby

If you're the parent of an ugly baby, you've probably been asking yourself lots of questions ever since your bouncing bundle of shame came into this world. Questions like, "Is this some sort of punishment from God?", "Should I leave him in a dumpster?" or "How much can an ugly baby fetch on the black market?" These types of questions are perfectly normal. The only thing that's abnormal is being the parent of an ugly baby and acting like you have the cutest, sweetest, or prettiest baby in the world. That, my friend, is mental sickness.  When my oldest son was born, I was asking the same questions myself. I fell to my knees and raised my arms to the heavens, asking, "What have I done to deserve this?" In the delivery room, I pleaded with the doctor to put him back in because he didn't look quite done yet. When that didn't work, I waited until no one was looking and tried to swap him with a better-looking baby from the hos...
8 comments
Read more

Gus Muldoon's Month in Stupidity, Volume 2

June has been like a vine ripe with idiots, and stupidity was so rampant this month that I had to devote not one, but two columns to the topic.  Last week I profiled five mental midgets who should've been wiped out by natural selection long ago, and this week I'll shine the spotlight on five more.  So without further ado, I give you Gus Muldoon's Month in Stupidity, Volume 2. 1. Oliver Stone is a limp-wristed lily-livered sack of squirrel scrotums This week, filmmaker Oliver Stone appeared on CBS This Morning in order to promote his new film, and in the process confessed that he was a doobie-smoking Commie.  While extolling the virtues of being a pot-head, Stone reminisced about his days fighting in Vietnam, stating:  “[Using marijuana] made the difference between staying human or, as Michael Douglas said, becoming a beast. I’m telling you, it’s rough and a lot of people in that platoon used it, not on the front line but in the back, to stay in touch with themse...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why I Don't Support Breast Cancer Research

I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty darn sick and tired of all of this breast cancer awareness bullcrap.  Is there anyone out there who's not aware of breast cancer?  I find it hard to believe that some schmuck in Ashtabula is being handed a pink ribbon at this very moment and exclaiming, "Why, I never knew that women could get cancer in their boobies!"  But what really flips my jib is all of these 5Ks and marathons and mini-marathons and half-marathons, all with tongue-in-cheek names like the Ta-Ta Trot or the Jog for Jugs.  What's next?  The Million Melon March? My friends, if you believe that power-walking around the track of a middle-school stadium in your yoga pants is going to save lives, then you're about as bright as a mineshaft at midnight.  Think about it.  In any given town in any given year, there are a few dozen of these feelgood fun runs designed to raise money in order to find a cure for breast cancer.  For $25 a pop,...
Post a Comment
Read more