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Whatever happened to good old male and female?



I've seen many ridiculous things in my day, but the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen was a recent article about how the popular dating website OkCupid has expanded its gender options, in an effort to appease those lamebrains who feel the need to lavish themselves with a self-aggrandizing, yet meritless, label. Yes, folks, gone are the days of being male or female or straight or gay, because now, according to OkCupid, you now have the option of being asexual, demisexual, heteroflexible, homoflexible, pansexual, genderqueer, agender, intersex, transgender, pangender, transmasculine, transfeminine and two spirit (whatever the hell that is).

Give me a break! As everyone knows, there are only two possible genders- male and female. This is science. We're talking basic biology here. But of course, in today's society, we have to cater to the whims of the overly-sensitive liberal chucklehead nincompoops who would be "offended" to discover that they only had two options to choose from.

Now, I'm familiar with the argument made by these morons. "Well, I may have been born with a penis, but I've always felt that I should've been born with a cooter instead, and thus I really don't identify with being labeled as male". Oh really? Well I believe that I was born to be a ballerina, but that really doesn't make me one, now does it? I can put on a leotard and prance around to Tchaikovsky all I like, and it still doesn't change the fact that I am not a ballerina.

"Well I may have been born with a penis, but I've always felt that I should've been born with a cooter instead, but at the same time,  I'm only sexually attracted to Germans with handlebar mustaches", you may say. In that case, you're still a male. You're just a male with vagina envy who happens to have a rather odd fetish. Sorry, pal, you still don't deserve your own category. What you deserve is a restraining order that keeps you 500 feet away from rational human beings such as myself and 99% of the rest of the world.

One can easily see where this madness may lead. Perhaps in a few years, all public schools will be required to have 27 different restrooms, because heaven forbid that some demisexual pangendered kiddo should pee standing (or sitting, or however demisexual pangenders pee) next to a transfeminine "two spirit" (whatever the hell that is).

Even the very movement that brought us this steaming crock of liberal foolishness will be impacted by the never-ending invention of new genders and sexual orientations. The LGB community evolved into the LGBT community, which is now the LGBTQ community. But now that these kooks invented nonsensical labels for themselves like asexual, demisexual, heteroflexible, homoflexible, pansexual, genderqueer, agender, intersex, transgender, pangender, transmasculine, transfeminine and two spirit (whatever the hell that is), it's just a matter of time before these idiots will have to refer to themselves as the LGBTQADHHPGQAIPTMTF2S community. Good luck with that.

Listen folks, the point is that you can't go around inventing new titles and labels for yourselves whenever you feel like it. If that was the case, I would demand that all of you brainless slumgullions refer to me as "Grand Exalted Poobah of the Known Universe". The fact is, you are what you are, and what you are is either male or female.

The libtards at OkCupid who devised this absurd menu of gender options have done so because they believe this change will help prevent violence against transgender people. Statistics show that LGBTQ individuals experience violence, harassment and bullying at a higher rate than the rest of us. Unfortunately, I believe these superfluous labels will have the opposite effect. I don't even know any LGBTQ people, but already I want to punch one in the face. Why? Because few things are as annoying as whiny chuckleheads who are hellbent on making the rest of us abide by their absurdist agenda.

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