By now you've probably seen the videos on YouTube or Facebook of some millenial snowflake Starbucks barista having a meltdown about having to make a Unicorn Frappuccino.
"It's just so damn complicated to make!" some of them have ranted. "And the customers, they just keep coming!"
Or, in the words of Braden Burson, the barista from Colorado whose video has gone viral: "If you love us as baristas, don't order it. It is sooo difficult to make, and people were coming in left and right, drive thru and in the front!"
Obviously, young teat-sucklers like Braden are in dire need of a valuable lesson about life. You see, life is a lot like making a Unicorn Frappuccino-- it's not supposed to be easy.
Sadly, today's young Americans would much rather retreat into their gender-neutral "safe spaces" than develop anything that closely resembles a work ethic.
If you're a millenial barista working at Starbucks to put yourself through college, that's great. But when you start behaving like a toddler whose favorite toy just got thrown away and throw a tantrum because a frozen fruity beverage is just too damn hard to make, then why on God's green earth are you even going to college in the first place? Obviously, this is not going to work out well for you in the real world (and by real world, I mean a place where you earn more than minimum wage, don't have to wear a name tag, and aren't allowed to miss work to march at a feminist rally).
Doctor: I wish I could do something for your ruptured appendix, but it's just too complicated! All those organs and what not, and the blood and the stitches. Have you ever tried using a scalpel while wearing latex gloves? It's like seriously a real hard thing to do.
Lawyer: And in closing, your honor, I believe my client does not deserve the death penalty. I would attempt to explain why, but like, omg, have you ever read a law book? All those big, complicated words, and most of them aren't even in English! Corpus delicti? What does that even mean? Ugh, this is like seriously so freakin' complicated.
Business Executive: Our third quarter earnings suggest impressive growth. Or, wait, I'm not sure. Maybe we lost a bunch of money. It's really hard to tell from these reports. It's like just a bunch of numbers and shit.
And if you find it hard to make a Unicorn Frappuccino, I'm afraid even dropping out of your fancy-pants liberal arts college won't save your sorry rear end. If you become triggered by a drink order, there's a good chance you won't even be able to do much with a degree from a vocational school.
Electrician: I'm really sorry your house burned down, sir, but do you have any idea of how hard my job is? I mean really, do you? First of all, there are wires everywhere! Red ones, black ones, yellow ones. I think I even saw a green one. For real, I don't even know what's supposed to be! I can't even being to tell you how aggravating it is. So instead of suing me, why don't you show a little compassion. I mean, if you think about it, haven't I suffered enough already?
Mechanic: Hey, pal, it's not my fault your engine fell out while you were driving to work. Have you seen one of those things up close? They're scary. And dangerous, too. I touched one once and damn near burned my hand off. No one ever told me how hot an engine gets. Plus you've got all those parts... pistons, belts, fuel injectors. It's crazy, man.
You get the picture.
So listen up, buckeroo-- If you cry like a sissy just because a Unicorn Frappuccino is too "complicated" to make, you're going to have a hell of time when you have to figure out how to other grown-up things like doing your taxes, paying bills or raising children.
Think about it, snowflake. If you can't make a goddamned glorified milkshake without having a nervous breakdown, what the bloody hell are you going to do when you have to fix a flat tire on the expressway or unclog a toilet? Make a video for YouTube? Well I've got news for you, my whiny, skinny jean-wearing, entitled millenial friend. You can make all the videos you want, but that won't unclog your shitter. At the end of the day, you'll still need to grab a plunger and roll up your sleeves.
So my advice to all the real grown-ups out there is this: If you want to teach millenials a valuable lesson about life, don't coddle them by ordering a drink that's easy to make. Go ahead, order the Unicorn Frappuccino. In fact, order two. Or, better yet, a half dozen.
thank you for sharing
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