Gus Muldoon's Infamous Seldomly-Updated Blog

While the eyes of the world were glued on law enforcement activity in Boston, a surveillance camera at a McDonald's in Georgia captured an off-duty police sergeant pulling a gun and pointing at the head of a teenager in the drive-thru lane- all because the teen was holding up the line. Sergeant Scott Biumi, a DeKalb County detective, was charged with assault and placed on administrative leave after the incident, which took place on Wednesday.  The surveillance video shows Sgt. Biumi in plainclothes walking up to a vehicle, placing his hand on the driver's shoulders and aiming a gun at Ryan Mash. The frightened eighteen year old apologized to the angry officer, and explained that he was simply waiting for his food.  But Biumi returned and said, "You don't want to mess with me." It is at this point when he placed his hands on Mash's shoulders and pulled out his gun. Now, I've never met Sergeant Biumi, but I think it's safe to say that thi...

I just read an interesting article about how the United States Postal Service finally delivered a letter that was mailed in 1953.  While a bunch of feelgood nincompoops commented about how sweet the story was, not a single person felt compelled to rip the USPS a new one for taking 60 years to deliver a letter.  So that's what I'm going to do here today. I believe that the United States Postal Service has outlived its usefulness. Folks, we need the Postal Service about as much as we need another hole in the head- especially in these tough economic times.  While Democrats and Republicans continue to butt heads over ways to trim fat from the budget, I can see an easy way to save America over 70 billion dollars a year- simply disband the whole dang USPS. Let's face it, the USPS is about as useful as a Bible in a whorehouse, and about as profitable as a porno film starring Betty White.  Consider that the average salary for a letter carrier is over 50 grand a year,...

A Tribute to the Passengers Aboard the Carnival Triumph Ship "I've had to eat tomato sandwiches for a week and pee into a plastic bag. I deserve money" I don't know about you, but I'm pretty darn sick and tired of hearing about the Carnival cruise ship that's been stranded for about a week in the Gulf of Mexico.  News networks have painted these cruisegoers as poor unfortunate victims of unthinkable hardship.  Well, I've got news for you folks aboard the luxury cruise vessel- get the hell over yourselves! For a week, passengers have had to survive by eating tomato and lettuce sandwiches.  Oh, the horror!  For a week, passengers haven't had running water.  Oh, the humanity!  For a week, passengers haven't been able to play Angry Birds or update their Facebook statuses.  Good God almighty! In other words, for one week, passengers had the privilege of seeing what 50% of the world's population have to endure each and every day of their pov...

I'm sure this will probably ruffle the feathers of some of you but I, for one, and pretty darn sick and tired of how recklessly the word "hero" is being tossed around these days, especially in regards to folks in the military and law enforcement. You see, in order to actually become a hero, you have to do something heroic.  That part should be common sense.  Throwing yourself on a grenade to save a platoon is heroic.  Exposing yourself to enemy fire to save the life of another soldier is heroic.  Simply being in the military, while appreciated, is not an act of heroism... especially if you served your country by lounging around a military base in some tropical paradise like Hawaii.  Saving your commanding officer from a falling coconut is not an act of heroism. The same applies to law enforcement.  Rushing into a burning building to save a life is heroic.  Saving a hostage from an armed madman is heroic.  Writing traffic tickets and rescui...

As a service to my faithful readers (both of you), I've decided to invent something I like to call the Perpetual TV Guide.  Any day of the week, any month of the year, simply check these listings and you'll be surprised just how accurate my TV Guide is.  In fact, 65% of research has shown that 95% of my TV Guide is accurate 92% of the time! Here's what's on: CSPAN- an old white guy speaking from a podium CSPAN2- a woman of some minority group speaking from a podium. ESPN- SportsCenter ESPN2- a sport which you don't care much about. ESPN Classic- a college football game from 1998 re-mastered so that it looks vintage and grainy and makes you feel a lot older than you really are. HALLMARK CHANNEL-  A Hallmark Original Movie about a woman who struggles to rebuild her life while baking gourmet cupcakes, followed by The Golden Girls . LIFETIME- Twelve straight hours of The Golden Girls , followed by a Lifetime Original Movie about a woman who overcomes...

The words "etiquette" and "all-you-can-eat buffet" are seldom used in the same sentence (much like the words "West Virginia" and "high school diploma"), and anyone who frequents these dining establishments knows that during busy times, walking up to a buffet is like stepping onto a roller derby rink. Elbows and expletives fly, and any semblance of class and etiquette is tossed into the dumpster like so many day-old eggrolls. Practicing good etiquette at all-you-can-eat buffets is necessary if you want to differentiate yourself from the maddening throngs of wildebeests heaping an entire week's worth of calories onto a single plate. Following these tips will certainly help. 1. Always use a clean plate for each trip you make to the buffet. After you have cleared your plate, set it aside and someone will come along shortly to take it away. Yes, they really will. 2. Always escort your children to the buffet. We all love children (especially pe...

"I want my guns!" "And I want to live to see my seventh birthday, douchebag." "We need our guns to defend our precious property! Sorry, kid." "We wouldn't have this problem if we allowed Jesus in the classroom." "We're on it!" "Oy vey! Maybe I should just destroy the world and start over." "Told you so!"