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Gus on TV: 16 and Pregnant



Maybe I'm just getting old, but it seems to me that television is beginning to look more and more like a giant landfill overflowing with trash...and I'm not even talking about the Kardashians or the guys from Jersey Shore.  I'm talking about shows like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant- shows which somehow manage to glamorize the world of welfare-dependent white trash trollops and the underemployed hillbilly douchebags who love them.

If you don't believe me that these shows influence everyday life, consider that in 2011 the Social Security Administration reported that two of the names which have seen the greatest rise in popularity among newborns are Maci and Bentley, the names of one of the featured mothers of 16 and Pregnant and her son.  The show, now in its fourth season, has produced quite an assortment of trash, turning idiots who deserve to be labeled as the bottom-feeders of society into overnight celebrities.

Here are just a few examples of the classy folks who have been featured on 16 and Pregnant:

Joshua Rendon and Ebony Jackson-Rendon, a couple from the first season of the show, were arrested in Arkansas in 2011 after officers with a search warrant found their home filled with feces, flies and maggots.  The couple, who lost custody of their child, also faces felony drug charges.

Whitney Purvis was arrested in 2012 for stealing a pregnancy test from a WalMart in Georgia.  When you're the mother of one unplanned kiddo who can't afford to buy a 6.00 Clearblue Easy to see if you've got yet another unplanned bun in your overheated oven, you obviously haven't made the best decisions in life.

Jenelle Evans and one of her many deadbeat boyfriends (not the father of the bastard child) were arrested 2010 for breaking and entering and drug possession.  She was arrested again, four months later, for assault.  Two months later she checked into drug rehab, before being arrested yet again for a parole violation.  In January of 2012 she was arrested for harassment, and six days later she was charged with violating a domestic violence protection order.  She was most-recently arrested on March 5, 2012 for cyber-stalking a former boss.  Apparently, Jenelle Evans knows the inside of a jail cell almost as well as guys from North Carolina know the inside of her.... well, you know where I'm going with this.

Kianna Randall gets knocked up by her 15-year old boyfriend not once, but twice.  The second pregnancy ended in a miscarriage...which is actually a lucky break for the poor fetus, since the father ends up with a 15 year sentence for armed robbery.  For her part in the incident, Kianna Randall received 10 years probation.

While many of the other teen moms haven't been charged with crimes (they're still young, give 'em time), the show does demonstrate some interesting patterns about society:

1. Unwed teen moms are often born to women who were also unwed teen moms.  This means that the children will probably grow up being unwed teen moms (or dads) themselves, thus perpetuating the cycle of poverty.

2. Unwed teen moms tend to choose stupid names for their unplanned babies: Bentley, Weston, Brooklyn, Jace Vahn, Nevaeh, Aidan, Aliannah Hope and Aleeah Grace, Aniyah Monroe, Brody, Liam, Za'Karia, Rylan Jayce, Blake, Arri, Miah, Preston, Kay'den Elijah, Aydenn, Gannon Dewayne, just to name a few.  Unwed teen moms also like names that sound like strippers and porn stars: Aubree Skye, Jordynn, Summer Jayde, Genesis Alexa, Destiny Brianna, Nova Star, etc.

3. Babies born to unwed teen moms are often born premature or suffer from rare genetic birth defects.  Several teen moms are "repeat offenders", cranking out more kids they can't afford, unless, of course, they have a miscarriage.  This would lead us to believe that birth defects and miscarriages are God's way of saying, "Hey, idiot, quit spreading your legs!"  

4. When a teen mom gets married, the marriage usually ends in divorce.

and last, but not least:

5. Viewers will tune in to anything which chronicles the lives of the low-class.

If you don't believe me, flip through the channels right at this very moment and I guarantee that you'll come across at least one reality show which features a hick from Louisiana catching an alligator, a hillbilly catching a catfish with his hands, scruffy lumberjacks, fat trailer trash mothers of beauty pageant contestants dressing their three-year-olds like hookers, and, of course, unwed teenage mothers.   

   
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