Turn on the television or the radio these days, and all you're likely to hear about is "pink slime", the media's scary buzzword for a perfectly harmless (and tasty) thing the meat industry refers to as "lean finely textured beef". This stuff has come under fire recently, even though it's been in ground beef for years.
If you ask me, "lean finely textured beef" sounds pretty darn prestigious (and tasty), like the description of a burger found in one of those fancy restaurants where the waiters speak in fake European accents, peddling glasses of French spring water for twenty bucks a pop. However, the dodo-brained dimwits of the world have undertaken a crusade to remove "pink slime" from America's beef supply. Pink slime is used as a filler, which is what makes beef affordable (and tasty). By removing this harmless (and tasty) substance from ground beef, food costs are going to soar.... all because of the negative press generated by a handful of uninformed bleeding-heart nincompoops who are probably salad-munching vegetarians in the first place (Yes, I shudder when I hear the word vegetarian. If the Good Lord didn't want us to eat animals, He wouldn't have made them out of meat).
If you're one of those self-righteous mental cases who believe that pink slime has no place at the dinner table, here's a news flash for you: The carrots and lettuce you munch upon religiously are grown in fields fertilized by pigsh@t. And even if you and your mentally-misguided pals succeed in removing pink slime from ground beef, the fact remains that even free-range grassfed cows are grazing upon fields which have also been fertilized by pigsh@t. In other words, pink slime is no worse than the crap you're already stuffing into your mouth.
And here's another news flash, Buckaroo:
If you're against lean finely textured beef, you are an economic terrorist who should be awarded a one-way ticket to Guantanamo Bay. Not only are you jacking up food costs for hard-working Americans, you are also putting hard-working Americans out of work. Today, the Chicago Tribune reported that AFA Foods, a Pennsylvania-based meat processing company, had filed for bankruptcy. A company spokesman said the controversy over harmless (and tasty) pink slime has dramatically reduced demand for all ground beef products. Last week, another meat processing company was forced to cut 650 jobs in Kansas, Iowa, and Texas.
Yes, my friend, you are responsible for putting hundreds, if not thousands, of Americans out of work, at a time when millions of people are struggling to keep their heads above water. In my opinion, this places you somewhere between Osama Bin Laden and Adolf Hitler. It's truly a sad commentary on contemporary society that your mind-numbing ignorance is permitted to jack up our nation's unemployment rate.
And mind-numbing ignorance it putting it mildly, you anti-American commie sapsucker. On March 22, even the USDA has said that "pink slime" is perfectly safe. But thanks to your self-righteous economic terrorism, coupled with a brain which is undoubtedly the size of a gnat, you've managed to brainwash millions of Americans, creating a mass hysteria in the process. "We don't want our children eating beef treated with ammonia!" you whine, like a baby seal clubbed over the head. Yet any seventh-grader with a biology textbook can tell you that ammonia is a life-sustaining chemical which is naturally found in all living things. You wouldn't be alive without it, knucklehead.
And it's not like the evil Big Meat bigwigs are injecting pure ammonia into the food supply; "pink slime" is meat which as been exposed to ammonium hydroxide gas. This is the same microbe-killing gas which is used to make all kinds of foods safe for consumption, including baked goods, cheeses, and even chocolate. Thanks to your incomprehensible stupidity, it probably won't be long until you help put Wonder Bread and Hershey's out of business. Thanks to you, we may soon live in a world where it takes a week's salary to buy a loaf of bread and a chocolate bar. You, my friend, are turning the good ol' U.S. of A. into a third-world country. If I wanted to live in an economic hellhole with uncontrollable inflation, I'd move to the Sudan.
Here are a few more facts you can shove where the sun don't shine, you bovine-hating Nazi idiot:
-3.2 ounces of ground beef contains 40 mg of ammonium hydroxide (NH3), which equates into a paltry 200 parts-per-million.
-American cheese contains 813 p.p.m. of NH3
-Ketchup contains 352 p.p.m. of NH3
-Cheddar cheese contains 1104 p.p.m. of NH3
-Gelatin contains 342 p.p.m. of NH3
-Margarine contains 211 p.p.m. of NH3
-Mayonnaise contains 411 p.p.m. of NH3
And let's not overlook potato chips (240 p.p.m.), onions (269 p.p.m.), and peanut butter (489 p.p.m.). And before you think these numbers were compiled by the evil beef bigwigs, think again, Sunshine- they're from The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.
I suppose after you've successfully managed to annihilate the beef industry, you'll turn your tiny-minded ignorance towards Heinz, Jell-O, Kraft, Hellman's, and Jiff. And why not? You argue that "pink slime" has no place in school lunches, yet mayo, peanut butter, cheese, and ketchup contain more ammonium hydroxide than ground beef, and I'm pretty darn sure that school cafeterias are serving these things to our children each and every day.
So, in closing, if you are opposed to pink slime, you most likely have the mental capacity of lobotomized cockroach, and the American patriotism of an Al Qaida operative. So instead of telling your fellow Americans what we can or cannot eat, why not pack your bags for a nice long vacation at Guantanamo Bay? There you will be among your own kind, and you can eat all of the grass you want. Oh, wait, even grass contains ammonia. My bad. I guess you'll just have to starve to death.
Comments
Post a Comment