Cliches, much like stereotypes, are always based on a grain of truth (something scientists like to call "empirical generalizations"), and there are few things in the world of Cyberspace as cliched as the typical user profile of an online dating website. If America had a dollar for every member of a dating site who claims to be a sucker for romantic dinners and long walks on the beach, we'd be out of this recession in a jiffy.
It seems that very few people these days have interesting lives. Unless they're just keeping their real hobbies and interests secret. Why do I say this? Well, take a look for yourself. As I sit here writing this rant and viewing the profiles of female users on a popular dating website, I've come across the following things listed as "favorite activities" on numerous profiles:
1. Having fun.
Wow! You like to have fun? Me too! Well how do you like that, we must be soulmates! Listing "having fun" or "having a good time" as one of your interests tells us sooo much about who you are as a person. For instance, it reveals the fact that you are probably one of those rare individuals who absolutely loath having a bad time.
2. Hanging out with friends.
Another thing we have in common! We must have been made for each other. And here so many folks have friends they absolutely detest and dread spending time with. But hey, at least we know that you're not an anti-social recluse who never leaves the house.
3. Going out.
Small world! Me too! That settles it, let's get married. It's just plain freaky how much we have in common, isn't it? Let me guess: Even though you like going out, you also enjoy an occasional quiet evening at home watching movies and cuddling?
Just once I'd like to come across a profile on a dating site with extremely specific interests, like "My favorite hobby is visiting grocery stores and stealing the fruit stickers off all of the bananas." Or, "I only watch foreign-language science fiction movies with Belgian subtitles".
It seems that even eye-catching headlines are in short supply these days. So many people are under the impression that they are being witty by having a headline that reads "Insert Witty Headline Here". This headline is nearly as witty as people who feel compelled to ask "Is it hot enough for ya?" when it's 102 degrees outside, or customers who come up to you at work and ask "Working hard, or hardly working?"
So much unoriginality and we haven't even broached the topic of profile pictures. No female user's profile would be complete without the obligatory smoochie-lip pose (you know which one I'm talking about, ladies), or the photo of you flanked by two girlfriends (slightly less attractive than yourself) sitting at a bar enjoying strawberry daiquiris. And no man's dating profile would be complete without a shirtless picture, photoshopped to make it look as if you actually have abs. And don't forget to add a picture of your $2,000 '92 Honda Civic with $10,000 worth of aftermarket accessories.
What does this lack of originality teach us about contemporary society? Well, for one thing, it teaches us that there is an extremely large percentage of single Americans who like to have fun, go out, and spend time with friends.
Take a tip from old Gus. If you want to attract interesting people, be an interesting person. There is nothing interesting about a long walk on the beach, unless of course there's a shark attack. There's nothing interesting about a romantic dinner unless someone chokes on a dinner roll and requires the Heimlich Maneuver. If you can't create a thoughtful online dating profile, then it simply means that you are a thoughtless person, and let's face it....who wants to date a moron?
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