Gus Muldoon's Infamous Seldomly-Updated Blog

Many readers (all three of them) ask me how I come up with article ideas.  Most of the time, my ranting is the result of reading news headlines.  Unfortunately, stupidity is often so rampant in the world that it's difficult to choose a single story.  Therefore, I give you Gus Muldoon's "Month In Stupidity", so that I may give as many boneheads as possible the public shaming they so righteously deserve.  Let's take a look at this month's mental midgets. 1.  Mark Wolford Shows Us Why West Virginia Has Only Produced One Nobel Prize Winner In The Past 127 Years  June began with the funeral of Mark Wolford, a serpent-handling preacher from West Virginia who proved Darwin's theory of natural selection after he died as a result of a rattlesnake bite in late May.  Like many Pentecostal wackos residing in America's Armpit (or Appalachia, if you prefer), Wolford believed that he would be immune from harm, thanks to a Gospel passage which claims: "In...

He secretly wants to kill you!       They just don't make them like they used to.  No, I'm not talking about automobiles or household appliances, I'm talking about human beings.  Unless you're one of those extreme fundamentalist whack-jobs, most of us believe that the human species has evolved over tens of thousands of years, successfully fending off lions and tigers and bears (oh my) in order to secure our coveted spot at the top of the food chain.  And now it appears that Mr. Peanut, dairy cows, and Wonder Bread are about to knock us off of our perch. I'm talking about food allergies, or more specifically, the sad-sack evolutionary weaklings who suffer from them.  Back in my day, food allergies were virtually non-existent, but here in 2012 it would seem that we have devolved into a pathetically brittle species incapable of ingesting something as simple as a peanut.  There can only be two explanations for this phenomenon- either pea...