I've seen some disturbing things in my life. I watched a mortar shell blow a hole the size of softball in my buddy's head in Korea. As a gym teacher I watched a fat kid lose his grip while climbing the rope, causing him to slide all the way to the ground, resulting in a rope burn that made his chubby thighs look like ground hamburger. I've seen men die, I've seen freakish injuries. I even watched a Sara Jessica Parker movie once. But nothing is more disturbing, in my opinion, as children's beauty pageants. Sweet fancy Moses, if you think that it's normal to dress up your five year-old like a dadgummed hooker, then you need to have your head examined. And not just any shrink will do, my friend. You need one of them fellas with the white pointy beards from Vienna. You need the kind of headshrinking that can only be accomplished by a jungle witchdoctor from Borneo. No, it's not the children themselves who are creepy (they only look creepy...