Recently I had the pleasure of attending a redneck wedding. Now, I've always been a traditional kind of guy who believes that weddings should be held inside of a church, as the Good Lord intended, and not in the middle of a cow pasture. Nonetheless, I attended the ceremony, in which everyone involved chose to wear camouflage. Everything was going fine until I met the best man, who happened to be Asian. It must have brought back some long-suppressed memories of my time in Vietnam, because I freaked out and chased him through the cow pasture with a shish kebab skewer, which I planned in jamming under his fingernails. Revenge is a dish best served cold, after all. Which brings me to the point of today's Gus Muldoon sermon. Is a redneck wedding appropriate? The answer isn't no. It's hell no. And here's why, dip-wad. Back when decent God-fearing folks got married in a church, the divorce rate was low. Nowadays people are making a mockery out of marriage by getting...