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Selling Tickets is the Name of the Game, Numbnuts

Why is old Gus writing about football for two weeks in a row?  Because it's my blog and I can write about whatever the hell I want, that's why.  So if you're one of those fancy-pants soccer lovers who hates to listen to Americans talk about football, take a few tampons out of your purse and plug your ears.  Or in this case, pull your sun-dress over your head so you don't have to read this week's rant. Now that all of the girlymen have left the room, let's talk about football. As you regular Muldooniacs may know, if there's one thing that really jabbers my wocky, it's overly-sensitive politically-correct folks who cry whenever someone runs over a squirrel with an SUV.  These are probably the same folks raising Cain this week over the statements made by Shahid Khan, the new owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars who looks a lot like Ron Jeremy (see pic below). In a recent interview, when asked what it takes to be a real Jaguars fan, Khan said: "...

If Tim Tebow's a Prophet, then my BMW is the Antichrist

For God so loved the world that in Denver's playoff win over Pittsburgh, He made Tim Tebow rack up 316 passing yards. A truly miraculous stat, since Tebow has become the official poster child for religious kooks. Tebow's cult-like following has given rise to a whole new cottage industry: analyzing the offensive stats of mediocre quarterbacks. Forget about trying to crack the Bible Code (that's so 2011). The truly enlightened know where to go for prophetic revelations of Biblical proportions, and that place is the sports page. Now, for all of you godless liberal heathens who think the only thing the pages of the Bible are good for is rolling a big fat doobie, let me explain the hubbub about 3:16. It's the famous passage from the book of John which states, "For God so loved the world that he gave us football of Sundays," or something to that extent. That's why you commonly see a John 3:16 sign being held up in the stadium bleachers by a half-naked ...