Gus Muldoon's Infamous Seldomly-Updated Blog

Don't be hatin', bro! Women do not need to be told that men are fond of doing irritating things, but there are some male behaviors which are so pathetically lame that even many fellow men find them to be annoyingly asinine.  One such behavior is the excessive use of bro cabulary. Fellas, it's time to put the Bro Code to rest.  Yes, we are all aware of your desperate need to hide your homoerotic feelings behind frat-friendly man-lingo (or bro nacular, if you prefer), but much like Ted Danson's hairpiece, you're not fooling anyone. For the uninitiated, let's explore the bro phenomenon.  What is a bro, anyway?  A bro is more than just a buddy or pal.  A bro is someone who will give you the shirt the right off his back...you know, the shirt that says "Free Breathalyzer Test" with an arrow pointing to the groin.  A bro is life-long friend who would give you a shoulder to cry on, but since bros don't cry, that's a moot point.  A bro will be the...

                                                     Mmm...urinal cakes!  Just like Mama used to bake! Mankind has produced some marvelous inventions over the years: the telephone, the automobile, and the wall-mounted talking bass. Many of these great inventions are uni-sex, mutually benefitting men and women everywhere. But in my opinion, the urinal deserves special consideration because it was specifically invented for men. How motivated and inspired the inventor of the urinal must have been, when in his inventor's workshop he proclaimed, "Toilet, shmoilet! It's high time that men had their own special bathroom apparatus!" Not since the codpiece has there ever been such a breakthrough in male innovation, or "man-o-vation" ...

Earlier today I took my five year-old grandson to the local playground and was looking forward to showing him how to climb on the monkeybars.  I was aghast when I discovered that the monkeybars had been taken down years before, all because some kid fell and cracked open his noggin like a ripened coconut.  Maybe children these days have softer heads, I don't know. When I was a boy I had climbed all over the monkeybars and fell numerous times, and I turned out just fine.  These days, parents coddle their kids so much that if they get a scraped knee they get taken to the emergency room for a full battery of tests.  If this continues, in a few years our nation will become one inhabited by a bunch of sissies. You see, kids need to grow up believing that they are strong enough to handle all of life's hardships.  Kids need to be made aware that mama's not always going to be around to kiss their boo boos. Fortunately, my parents were keenly aware of this and they ...