Skip to main content

In defense of high school football



Once again, high school football is under attack by lame-brained, limp-wristed, lily-livered pantywaists who believe that anyone who straps on a jock is taking the first irrevocable step toward an inevitable, premature departure from this mudball called Earth.

The latest anti-jock rhetoric comes in the wake of the death of New Jersey high school senior quarterback Evan Murray, a tragedy that followed the deaths of two other high school athletes in recent weeks, Ben Hamm from Oklahoma, and Tyrell Cameron from Louisiana. With three kids gone to meet their maker in as many weeks, it's only natural that over-protective parents throw a hissy hit over the glorious American institution that is high school football.

However, this anti-jock fervor is nothing more than contemporary culture's latest attempt to neuter the American male-- a project that has been going on for decades, as part of the left-wing agenda to transform red-blooded American boys into sniveling wimps who would rather talk about their feelings than to bowl over a defensive back en route to the end zone.

The anti-football crusaders would have you believe that they are merely concerned about the health and safety of children. Yet, by coddling their kiddies, bundling them up in 20 pounds of protective equipment for a simple bike ride and treating them like delicate Faberge eggs, they are turning their children into spineless marshmallows who are more likely to experience a devastating injury whenever they get off their butts and attempt to do something manly, like change a tire, install a toilet (and not one of those pansy-assed, super-efficient toilets designed to save the environment. I mean a real toilet. A man's toilet.), or play football.

They're more likely to get injured because they never grew up learning how to protect themselves. Or how to do manly things, like setting things on fire, making things explode, wrestling polar bears, clubbing baby seals over the head with baseball bats and how to kill other small furry animals with their bare hands.

Instead, we teach our American boys that it's wrong to lust after girls in short skirts, it's sinful to beat up a nerd for his lunch money, and that it's better to have a cup of Greek yogurt than a bloody porterhouse steak. For years, we have taught boys that it's okay to play with Barbie dolls, that it's okay to use the ladies room if you have doubts about your gender, and that they should all wear pink each fall in order to save the titties of America (because titties are not something to play with; they are life-giving vessels of nourishment that must be respected and protected like the endangered Alaskan red-beaked salamander or the Eastern camel-toed tree sloth). And now, after years of sissification, we are finally beginning to see the fruit of the left-wing's labors: Boys who drop like flies whenever they step onto the playing field.

No, folks, it's not about protecting America's youth. It's about destoying manhood in every possible way, through the systematic villification of everything males enjoy. Including football.

To prove this point, all you have to do is look at the statistics. The National Center for Catastrophic Sports Injury Research at the University of North Carolina reports that 65.2% of all catastrophic injuries in youth sports occur in cheerleading alone. Funny how no one is rushing to ban cheerleading. Why is that?

And yet, if Johnny came home from school one day and told his parents that he quit the football team in order to join the cheerleading squad, his parents would give him a hug, tell him that he's some sort of hero, and take him to Starbucks for a pumpkin spiced latte.

Comments

  1. (Download) $12,234 in 2 months CASINO App?

    Let me say it right.

    I don't care about sports. Shame on me but I don't even know the football rules.

    I tried everything from stocks & forex to internet systems and affiliate programs.. I even made some money but then blew it all when the stock market went south.

    I think I finally found it. Download Today!!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to Deal With Having an Ugly Baby

If you're the parent of an ugly baby, you've probably been asking yourself lots of questions ever since your bouncing bundle of shame came into this world. Questions like, "Is this some sort of punishment from God?", "Should I leave him in a dumpster?" or "How much can an ugly baby fetch on the black market?" These types of questions are perfectly normal. The only thing that's abnormal is being the parent of an ugly baby and acting like you have the cutest, sweetest, or prettiest baby in the world. That, my friend, is mental sickness.  When my oldest son was born, I was asking the same questions myself. I fell to my knees and raised my arms to the heavens, asking, "What have I done to deserve this?" In the delivery room, I pleaded with the doctor to put him back in because he didn't look quite done yet. When that didn't work, I waited until no one was looking and tried to swap him with a better-looking baby from the hos

Why Gas Pumps Are Our Mortal Enemies

How I long for the good old days, when gas pumps were hand-cranked and the fueling process only took about an hour or two.  Granted, those days took place long before most of you were born, but believe me when I say that the process of getting gas took less time than it does today with these computerized high-tech pumps. Here's what I mean.  You pull up to the pump, slide your credit or debit card through, and you are instantly bombarded with questions asked by the pump.  Would you like a receipt?  Yes or No. "No" Do you have a rewards card?  Yes or No. "No", you mutter angrily. Do you want a rewards card?  Yes or no. "No." Would you like a car wash?  Yes or No. "A car wash?" you ask.  "It's pouring down rain, and all I want is five bucks worth of gas." Would you like to try one of our new six-inch subs?  Yes or No. "No!  For Pete's sake, I just want gas!" Please enter your zip code. "Zip code?  What does a