Gus Muldoon's Infamous Seldomly-Updated Blog

In case you've been too busy to keep up with the news this month, allow me to summarize.  There's crap going on in the Middle East, many of us are still unemployed, and two guys which no one really wants to vote for are running for president.  However, below you will find a few news headlines from September which you may have missed. Jack White is a Bum Bad behavior among musicians isn't anything new.  I remember being in the audience of the Lawrence Welk Show in 1959 and watching in delight as Welk took off his shoe and chucked it at the head of an oboe player who had been playing flat all evening.  Or maybe I just dreamed it.  At any rate, musical types have always been spoiled egomaniacs with objectionable grooming standards, and Jack White is the latest example. White was performing at Radio City Music Hall on Saturday night when he decided to end his show after 45 minutes, unhappy with the venue's acoustics.  About 5,000 fans who plunked down 40...

I try to no longer pay attention to the news, mainly because hearing about the latest evidence of society's mind-numbing stupidity usually raises my blood pressure to severely unhealthy levels.  However, I could not escape the circus freakshow which took place this past few weeks in Chicago.  I'm talking about the teacher's strike, of course. Now, for those of you who haven't kept up with the story, here's the scoop in a nutshell.  Chicago is home of some of America's worst-educated children (roughly 40% of the students don't even graduate).  The teachers, who are already getting paid $76,000 a year (plus benefits), decided that they deserved more money for doing such pitiable work.  There was also the fear that once Chicago closed down some of the city's worst schools, many teachers would find themselves out of a job.  The teachers are opposed to the concept that their salary increases and job security should be tied to student test scores and aca...

Welcome to another exciting installment of "Gus Answers Reader Mail", where I do a great service to humanity by dispensing invaluable words of wisdom to clueless sad sacks who are desperate for answers to life's little problems.  Here we go. My son is addicted to video games.  How can I break him of his habit? First you must ask yourself, "Hey, just who in the name of sweet baby Jesus is running this house?"  If you answered, "Why me, of course", then put on your big boy pants and law down the law like every decent parent should.  You want to break little Jimmy of his video game addiction?  Then march right into his room, unplug his X-Station or PlayBox or whatever the hell kids are playing with these days, and burn it in a trash barrel.  Don't bother hiding the gaming system, because kids these days are sneaky.  And when little Jimmy complains, bend down so that your face is an inch away from his and exclaim, "Waaaa!  You poor little...

I've been getting plenty of emails lately, and not all of them are from Nigerian princes and people who want to sell me all-natural herbal penile enhancement pills.  No, some of the emails are from loyal fans who have noticed that I havent updated the blog in 10 days.  Well simmer down, nancies.  I'm on vacation. Yes, that's right, even grumpy old men need a break every now and then.  And if you haven't checked your calendars, it is Labor Day weekend.  So go throw some weenies on the grill, grab a cold beer, and find something more productive to do than to spend your weekend putzing around on the interwebs like a sociopathic recluse with an addiction to free adult websites specializing in cross-dressing Asian midgets being sodomized by clowns. I'll be back in a few days.  Or maybe sooner, if the old ball and chain doesn't shut her yapper.  "But Gus, we're here in New England, I want to go on a whale watching trip!" she's been saying all w...

This week, Missouri Republican Todd Akin drew ire from liberals and conservatives alike as a result of a comment he made in a recent interview, in which he stated that pregnancy from rape is "really rare".  Akin added: "If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."  Naturally, all heck broke loose and many prominent GOPers are calling for Akin to withdraw from the Missouri Senate race.  Even those pesky Tea Baggers are insisting that Akin went too far. Akin's comments have set the Twittersphere afire, arousing the vitriol of every vaginocentric liberal from Maine to Alaska.  Laura Helmuth, of Slate.com , stated that Akin's worldview is "sexist, blame-shifting, and profoundly ignorant".  Gloria Allred called Akin "a national disgrace".  Nicole Belle, the celebrated GOP-bashing femi-Nazi blogger, proclaimed: "WTF???? I really am beginning to feel strongly that men who have not a sing...

I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty sick and tired of hearing about this alleged "wage gap" between genders.  Now, I'm not arguing the fact that women get paid less than men.  This has been proven to be true in survey after survey.  No, what really burns my britches is the incessant whining by women about how they deserve to be paid the same as men.  I hate to burst your bubbles, ladies, but here's what it all boils down to- don't expect to get paid the same as a man until you get off your lazy behinds and start working like a man.  Feminists like to point to Bureau of Labor Statistics, which state that full-time working women earn, on average, about 19% less than their male counterparts.  Yet these same women fail to mention the Department of Labor's Time Use Survey, which compares two similar employees of different genders, working in the same field, and performing the same work for the same number of hours.  According to this survey (...

I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty darn sick and tired of all of this breast cancer awareness bullcrap.  Is there anyone out there who's not aware of breast cancer?  I find it hard to believe that some schmuck in Ashtabula is being handed a pink ribbon at this very moment and exclaiming, "Why, I never knew that women could get cancer in their boobies!"  But what really flips my jib is all of these 5Ks and marathons and mini-marathons and half-marathons, all with tongue-in-cheek names like the Ta-Ta Trot or the Jog for Jugs.  What's next?  The Million Melon March? My friends, if you believe that power-walking around the track of a middle-school stadium in your yoga pants is going to save lives, then you're about as bright as a mineshaft at midnight.  Think about it.  In any given town in any given year, there are a few dozen of these feelgood fun runs designed to raise money in order to find a cure for breast cancer.  For $25 a pop,...