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Warner Bros. Planning to Bring Back "The Dukes of Hazzard"



A week after Warner Bros. announced that it would no longer approve the manufacture of Dukes of Hazzard toys featuring the Confederate flag, TV Land announced it's pulling reruns of the beloved 1980s’ TV series starring John Schneider and Tom Wopat. A programming director from TV Land explained, "Our decision had nothing at all to do with the recent uproar over the Confederate flag. We simply needed to find a way to squeeze in more episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond. Our research shows that fifteen episodes per day just simply wasn't enough."

However, executives at Warner Bros. surprised the entertainment world earlier today by announcing that it would soon be shooting a pilot for a new, fresh and updated version of the hit series, which aired on CBS for seven seasons.

"We loved the premise of the show, but felt that the image of the Duke boys should reflect the changes in America's social fabric since the last episode of the original series was filmed in 1985", explained Rachel Dolezal, who recently agreed to direct the pilot episode of the new series.

When asked to describe the changes made by Warner Bros., Dolezal explained that the biggest change the viewers will notice will be that the infamous "General Lee", the orange 1969 Dodge Charger emblazoned with the Confederate flag, has been replaced with an eco-friendly hybrid.

The new General Lee


"Everyone loved how brightly-colored the original General Lee was," continued Dolezal. "In keeping with this theme, the new General Lee will be painted with a rainbow paint scheme. Unfortunately, since this new General Lee only has a top speed of twenty-six miles per hour, we've had to do away with the exciting jumps and car chases. These scenes will be replaced by more meaningful and heartfelt dialogue. For instance, the pilot episode opens with a stirring four-minute scene in which Daisy Duke is speaking at a women's conference about her right to free contraception."

Contraception isn't the theme of the first episode, however. "Without giving away too much about the plot, the first episode centers around Daisy Duke's upcoming marriage to Louella Jo, a bachelorette pig farmer who moved to Hazzard County after her previous life partner left her in order to open a marijuana dispensary in Oregon," stated Dolezal. Naturally, the villain in the initial episode will be Boss Hogg, who objects to the same-sex marriage.

"Since Sorrell [Booke], who played the original Boss Hogg, died in 1994 we've had to search for a worthy replacement," Dolezal explained. "We needed a villain everyone could rally against, and we're pleased to announce that Warner Brothers has inked a deal with Rush Limbaugh to play the corrupt and corpulent Hogg."

As for the other characters, Dolezal stated that Bruce Jenner will have a dual role on the series, playing the parts of both Uncle Jesse and Aunt Jesse. Meanwhile, neither Warner Bros. nor Dolezal have made any firm decision about who will play Bo and Luke. "Nothing is final," said Dolezal, "but word around the studio is that it may be these two guys. We don't know who they are or whether or not they have any acting ability, but they look the part."



Earlier today, TMZ.com confirmed that the role of the "Balladeer" (voiced by Waylon Jennings in the original series), will be filled by Iggy Azalea.


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