Selling Tickets is the Name of the Game, Numbnuts

Why is old Gus writing about football for two weeks in a row?  Because it's my blog and I can write about whatever the hell I want, that's why.  So if you're one of those fancy-pants soccer lovers who hates to listen to Americans talk about football, take a few tampons out of your purse and plug your ears.  Or in this case, pull your sun-dress over your head so you don't have to read this week's rant.

Now that all of the girlymen have left the room, let's talk about football.

As you regular Muldooniacs may know, if there's one thing that really jabbers my wocky, it's overly-sensitive politically-correct folks who cry whenever someone runs over a squirrel with an SUV.  These are probably the same folks raising Cain this week over the statements made by Shahid Khan, the new owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars who looks a lot like Ron Jeremy (see pic below).

In a recent interview, when asked what it takes to be a real Jaguars fan, Khan said: "A fan is somebody who is a season ticket holder."  Khan added, "We want to hear from people, we want a huge amount of constructive feedback. We need input, but we need that from fans who are season ticket holders."

Of course, lots of people considered this remark insensitive, interpreting Kahn Jeremy's remarks as a statement implying that unless you own season tickets, you're not a real fan.  If someone had asked me what it takes to be a real Jaguars fan, I would've said, "Considering that the Jaguars finished the season with a 5-11 record, it takes a brain-damaged Floridian with a quart of Jim Beam running through his veins to be a real fan of the Jaguars."  Considering the alterative, Shahid Kahn was about as sensitive as you can get when asked such a loaded question.

The fact of the matter is that Khan is right.  Football is a business, muchacho.  You can't sign talented players to long-term contracts if you continually draw fewer onlookers than a cross-eyed stripper with a third nipple.  Jacksonville ranked 24th in attendance this season, so it's highly unlikely that Shahid Khan is going to drive away many fans with his statements.  You gotta have fans before you can drive them away.

Only a real fan would plunk down their hard-earned money to watch such a hapless team of incompetent sissies, so Khan hit the nail right on the head.  Making a villain of out the team's owner is the equivalent of killing the messenger.  Khan is smart enough to realize that you're never going to be a contender with a squad of untalented players, and the only way a team can afford higher caliber players is by selling tickets. 

Logic dictates that if you are a true fan of the Jaguars, you'd cut back on the money you'd otherwise spend attending tractor pulls and getting lap dances from three-nippled strippers so that you can support your team by buying game tickets.  Otherwise, shut your yapper when your team finishes with a 5-11 record.  The blame doesn't fall on the owner, it falls on the fairweather fans.