As 2011 comes to a close and we edge ever closer to the apocalypse, it's time to reflect upon the previous year and pay homage to the dimwitted lamebrains who deserve consideration for my Idiot of the Year Award.
Timothy Geithner: The man who woke you up before you could have your American dream
As Secretary of the Treasury, Geithner has the ability to impact the American economy more than any other public figure. Unfortunately, the impact Geithner has had on the economy is the same type of impact strychnine has on rats. Under Geithner's leadership, America's credit rating was downgraded for the first time in history, leading many economists to believe that we are facing a double-dip recession. Thanks to this contender, millions of young Americans will grow up believing that the American Dream consists of renting a studio apartment, living on ramen noodles, landing a full-time job, and driving a used Hyundai.
Rioting Vancouver Fans: You folks put the "duh" in Canada!
Rioting after a sports loss is a stupid thing to do, but the fans who rioted in Vancouver this June after the Canucks' loss to the Boston Bruins in the 2011 Stanley Cup Finals managed to elevate stupidity to an art form. Simply go to YouTube and search for "2011 Vancouver riot" and you'll be presented with enough laugh fodder to keep you entertained until the Canucks finally win a Stanley Cup (just kidding, that will never happen). One video shows a drunken rioter standing atop a Port-a-Potty, while another angry (and presumably drunk) fan decides to topple him by ramming his head into the portable toilet. Another vid shows a Vancouver fan (also presumably drunk) trying to jump across a flaming car...."trying" is the key word. Last but not least there's Brock Anton, a Vancouver fan who detailed his own involvement in the riots on his Facebook page...leading to his eventual arrest.
Charlie Sheen: Because nothing says "winning" like being a Juggalo
By now we're all familiar with the booze-and-coke fueled antics of Charlie Sheen, who was fired in March from the hit CBS sitcom Two Washed-up Actors and a Fat Kid. But in order to sufficiently appreciate Sheen's idiocy, we must look at how far he has fallen. Once the highest-paid actor in television, one of Sheen's latest gigs was on August 13, as the host of the 12th annual "Gathering of the Juggalos", a festival which pays tribute the Insane Clown Posse, a lame (and hit-less) 90s hardcore/hip-hop band which dressed up in clown facepaint. Yep, Charlie, nothing says "winning" like being a Juggalo.
Kat Von D: Our eyes need a shot of penicillin every time we look at you
Most women know that it is not a good idea to be romantically involved with a serial philanderer, but Ms. Von D must not have gotten the memo. After one failed marriage and a two-year romance with rocker Nikki Sixx, the former star of LA Ink decided to tattoo herself with the likeness of her new beau, Jesse James (who famously slept with every gutterskank he could get his hands on while married to Sandra Bullock, including Von D.). James and Von D split up less than a year later, and about a week after the breakup TLC decided to cancel LA Ink. In a last-ditch effort to save face, Von D has Tweeted that it was her decision to end the show, although network reps have claimed otherwise. Sandra Bullock must be laughing her ass off. Score: Karma, 1. Kat Von D, 0.
Lindsay Lohan: Defamatory sub-title unnecessary
On August 23, Lindsay Lohan made news headlines when CNN reported that actress is suing rapper Pitbull for using her name in a rap song. Lohan claims that the song's lyrics ("Got it locked up, like Lindsay Lohan") have "greatly injured" her career. Court documents also show that Lindsay, in her formal complaint, referred to herself as "a professional actor of good repute" (seriously folks, you can't make this crap up). So, Lohan's career wasn't tarnished by her two DUI arrests in 2007, or the countless court appearances for probation violations...but by a rap song! That explains everything.
Harold Camping: So many zealous Christians, so few Roman arenas and lions.
The California preacher and radio talk show host who predicted the May 21, 2011 Rapture must have woken up with a red face the following day to discover that he and his followers weren't swooshed up to heaven. But then again maybe he didn't, since Camping also made the same prediction in 1994. Rather than accepting defeat, Camping went on to revise his prophecy, stating that the world would end on October 21, 2011. Thirty days after the failed prediction, Family Radio Network pulled the plug on Camping's radio show.
Who do you think deserves Idiot of the Year honor? Add your comments, and I'll announce the winner on Jan. 31.
Timothy Geithner: The man who woke you up before you could have your American dream
As Secretary of the Treasury, Geithner has the ability to impact the American economy more than any other public figure. Unfortunately, the impact Geithner has had on the economy is the same type of impact strychnine has on rats. Under Geithner's leadership, America's credit rating was downgraded for the first time in history, leading many economists to believe that we are facing a double-dip recession. Thanks to this contender, millions of young Americans will grow up believing that the American Dream consists of renting a studio apartment, living on ramen noodles, landing a full-time job, and driving a used Hyundai.
Rioting Vancouver Fans: You folks put the "duh" in Canada!
Rioting after a sports loss is a stupid thing to do, but the fans who rioted in Vancouver this June after the Canucks' loss to the Boston Bruins in the 2011 Stanley Cup Finals managed to elevate stupidity to an art form. Simply go to YouTube and search for "2011 Vancouver riot" and you'll be presented with enough laugh fodder to keep you entertained until the Canucks finally win a Stanley Cup (just kidding, that will never happen). One video shows a drunken rioter standing atop a Port-a-Potty, while another angry (and presumably drunk) fan decides to topple him by ramming his head into the portable toilet. Another vid shows a Vancouver fan (also presumably drunk) trying to jump across a flaming car...."trying" is the key word. Last but not least there's Brock Anton, a Vancouver fan who detailed his own involvement in the riots on his Facebook page...leading to his eventual arrest.
Charlie Sheen: Because nothing says "winning" like being a Juggalo
By now we're all familiar with the booze-and-coke fueled antics of Charlie Sheen, who was fired in March from the hit CBS sitcom Two Washed-up Actors and a Fat Kid. But in order to sufficiently appreciate Sheen's idiocy, we must look at how far he has fallen. Once the highest-paid actor in television, one of Sheen's latest gigs was on August 13, as the host of the 12th annual "Gathering of the Juggalos", a festival which pays tribute the Insane Clown Posse, a lame (and hit-less) 90s hardcore/hip-hop band which dressed up in clown facepaint. Yep, Charlie, nothing says "winning" like being a Juggalo.
Kat Von D: Our eyes need a shot of penicillin every time we look at you
Most women know that it is not a good idea to be romantically involved with a serial philanderer, but Ms. Von D must not have gotten the memo. After one failed marriage and a two-year romance with rocker Nikki Sixx, the former star of LA Ink decided to tattoo herself with the likeness of her new beau, Jesse James (who famously slept with every gutterskank he could get his hands on while married to Sandra Bullock, including Von D.). James and Von D split up less than a year later, and about a week after the breakup TLC decided to cancel LA Ink. In a last-ditch effort to save face, Von D has Tweeted that it was her decision to end the show, although network reps have claimed otherwise. Sandra Bullock must be laughing her ass off. Score: Karma, 1. Kat Von D, 0.
Lindsay Lohan: Defamatory sub-title unnecessary
On August 23, Lindsay Lohan made news headlines when CNN reported that actress is suing rapper Pitbull for using her name in a rap song. Lohan claims that the song's lyrics ("Got it locked up, like Lindsay Lohan") have "greatly injured" her career. Court documents also show that Lindsay, in her formal complaint, referred to herself as "a professional actor of good repute" (seriously folks, you can't make this crap up). So, Lohan's career wasn't tarnished by her two DUI arrests in 2007, or the countless court appearances for probation violations...but by a rap song! That explains everything.
Harold Camping: So many zealous Christians, so few Roman arenas and lions.
The California preacher and radio talk show host who predicted the May 21, 2011 Rapture must have woken up with a red face the following day to discover that he and his followers weren't swooshed up to heaven. But then again maybe he didn't, since Camping also made the same prediction in 1994. Rather than accepting defeat, Camping went on to revise his prophecy, stating that the world would end on October 21, 2011. Thirty days after the failed prediction, Family Radio Network pulled the plug on Camping's radio show.
Who do you think deserves Idiot of the Year honor? Add your comments, and I'll announce the winner on Jan. 31.
It's a really tough choice to make! I mean, "stupid is as stipid does."
ReplyDeleteThe stupid-doer that has effected everyone, in the biggest way, would have to be Geithner! He screwed all of us over with his stupidity.
Charlie Sheen was always a goober. He's nothing like Martin Sheen or Emilio Estevez. I stopped paying attention to him a long time ago. He's the perfect stereotype of an ICP fan!
I have no respect for anyone who helps break up marriages. Sandra Bullock is a sweet heart. Kat Von D is an inked tart.
Lindsay Lohan is so gross. I mean, she looks like she's in her sixties! She should appreciate the fact that somebody would even say her name in a rap song. I guess the truth hurts.
Anybody who predicts the end of the world, should be locked up in a psych ward. No questions asked. People have been predicting the end for centuries now. No one's been right, thus far! Put Camping on Alzheimer's medicine and tuck him in bed.
They're all very stupid people who waste our time being in the spotlight. I can't say which one should win, sorry. They all get my vote. Well, I'm not even going to mention the silly Canadians. Is Canada even a real country? Hmm...
Perhaps next week, old Gus will regale readers with the infamous story about how he got banned from Canada!
ReplyDelete