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Mystery Hag Who Sued Amazon Identifies Herself



So it appears that the mystery actress who sued Amazon.com for leaking her true age on IMDb last fall has finally been identified as Junie Hoang. You may recall that the story created quite a stir last year, with the 40-year old Saigon-born actress claiming that Amazon caused her career to dry up faster than the mammary glands of middle-aged wet nurse.

The lawsuit kicked up plenty of dust, as millions of people with nothing better to do with their lives speculated as to who this washed-up Hollywood hag may be, and now we all know. The answer is Junie Hoang, a hack actress (hacktress?) best known for...well, being the washed-up wrinklesome wretch who sued Amazon.com.

Ms. Hoang's film credits include such blockbusters as "Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver" and "Hoodrats 2: Hoodrat Warriors" (in which she played an Asian driver who cuts across three expressway lanes without using her turn signal). She also had a bit part in the TV series "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" and "My Big Phat Hip Hop Family" (in which she played an Asian driver who causes a ten car pile-up by driving into oncoming traffic).

Junie Hoang's lawsuit claims that she lost work because Amazon posted her real age, so she decided to sue for $1,000,000, which translates into $500,000 for every person who bought a ticket to a movie in which she appeared.

If you ask me, this is just one more case of a gold-digging harpy shrew looking to get rich quick. Someone ought to inform Ms. Hoang that the reason there aren't any Hollywood producers beating a path to her door has less to do with being 40 and more to do with being an undistinguished no-name third-rate thespian.

If your biggest claim to fame is playing second fiddle to an evil cookie who comes to life and murders people in a direct-to-DVD horror flick, then you don't need to file a lawsuit. What you need to do is take a long hard look in the mirror and ask yourself, "What the hell did I do wrong with my life?" And if you have a magic mirror, the mirror may respond, "Trying to pass your wrinkled-ass off as a 20-something Hollywood actress".

Does Ms. Hoang deserve a million bucks for her shattered career? If you think she does, then you deserve to be smacked upside the head with a sock full of marbles, you lamebrained idiot. If I were the judge ruling on this case, not only would I not award her a penny, but I'd find her guilty of perjury for trying to convince me that she was a real actress.  After all, if your professional headshot (see above) looks like it was lifted from your old Myspace profile, then you are as close to being a Hollywood star as I am to being the Shah of Iran. 
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